


Good Company

by casstayinmyass



Category: Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead - Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead (1990) RPF
Genre: Accidental Flirting, Attraction, Best Friends, Bisexuality, Crushes, Flirting Practice, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Guildenstern Would Have Gay Panic If He Wasn't So In Love, Idiots in Love, M/M, Oops, Rosencrantz Is A Literal Rainbow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 13:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14356668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: "How do we seduce these ladies you speak of?" Rosencrantz asked."Practice," Guildenstern lifted his eyebrows, "On each other. Come on, stand up."





	Good Company

"D'you know something?"

The two hapless companions sat beneath a couple of trees, enjoying the fair weather. They were en route to the castle after their summoning, but had broken to rest for the afternoon. 

"What?"

Guildenstern lifted a finger thoughtfully. He had been pondering for quite some time. "We haven't had the company of a lady in over a year."

Rosencrantz thought for a moment. "Yes, we have. We met that nice old woman offering peaches on the side of the path just the other day--"

"No," Guildenstern pressed on, eyebrows raising, "The company of ladies who would be offering us a different kind of peaches." A small smile grew on Guildenstern's face. It took Rosencrantz a moment to work this out, but when he did, the same smile appeared.

"I see. How are we going to fix this, then?"

"We are on our way to Denmark," the shorter one pointed out, "There shall be more than enough ladies there."

"Mm," Rosencrantz nodded, "I suppose you're right."

"We must get ourselves one."

"To share?"

"Each."

"We'll hire them?"

"Yes, I suppose." Just then, a thought gripped Guildenstern. "Unless..."

"What?"

"We don't _have_ to hire them."

Rosencrantz nodded slowly as if he understood. "We... what, then?"

"We seduce them."

"How?"

Guildenstern rubbed his chin, then stood, clapping his hands together. "Practice. On each other. Come on, stand up." Rosencrantz got up, and placed his hands behind his back, awaiting direction. "I'll start."

"Yes." Rosencrantz let his hair fall forward, and he batted his eyelashes effeminately, waiting for his friend to strike up conversation.

"You look lovely."

Rosencrantz blushed. "Do I?" Guildenstern was slightly thrown off by his friend's falsetto, but pressed on.

"Very lovely, indeed. You would look even lovelier... in my arms. Keep my bed warm tonight love-- beauty like yours should not be wasted."

Rosencrantz watched Guildenstern closely, keeping his hands clasped in front of him to avoid any compromising situations. _What? It was bound to happen at some point, all this talk of beds and warmth._ "You think I'm beautiful?" He had since dropped the falsetto, and Guildenstern began to blink out of his seductive trance.

"Hypothetically."

"Ah," Rosencrantz frowned.

"Now you."

The taller cleared his throat. "What?"

"I'm her, pretend to seduce me!"

"Oh, yes. My dear lady..." he gave a low, sweeping bow, and Guildenstern scrunched up his nose, crossing his arms.

"Doesn't feel right. For the sake of the authenticity of our simulation, use my name."

The taller thought nothing of this, as his best friend had been just that for years; this was almost second nature.

"Very well." He cleared his throat again, lifting his chin high. "My dear Rosencrantz--"

"No."

"My dear Guildenstern."

"Better."

"--it would bring me great honor if you were to share my bed tonight."

Guildenstern waited, blinking. "Is that all?"

"Need there be more?" Rosencrantz asked in confusion, and Guildenstern shifted.

"Well... say I was a lady. I don't think I would feel all that seduced from hearing that."

"No?"

"Decidedly not." He hummed. "Try again... this time, elaborate. And bring an element of realism into it! Cheeky banter, an irresistible approach."

Rosencrantz backed up then, turning around. Guildenstern watched with a frown, trying to figure out what his friend was doing, but quickly straightened up when he saw. He expected the other to offer a few lackluster lines again, for he never learned. That's alright-- it just meant all the more company for himself.

Rosencrantz turned, and began to stride by. By "accident", he noticed Guildenstern with a surprised remark.

"Forgive me, but... I've never seen anything so exquisite."

Guildenstern shifted again and straightened out his jacket. "No?"

Rosencrantz shook his head, and... walked right past his friend to pick a gorgeous, shiny apple from the tree behind him. Guildenstern rolled his eyes, and smacked the apple out of the other's hand just as he was going to take a bite. Rosencrantz startled. "Why did you do that?"

"You cannot seduce a lady with an apple, Rosencrantz."

"No? Haven't you read Genesis?"

"Good god, resume your flirtation!"

"Fine." Rosencrantz crossed his arms. "Good evening, my Dear Guildenstern."

"It's still the day, I think," Guildenstern replied casually.

"Forgive me, I mistook your eyes for stars," Rosencrantz volleyed back easily, and Guildenstern nearly choked. He had no time to comment before his friend barrelled on. "Now. I saw you from across the sitting room and I said to myself, how does one get away with being so attractive? Completely unwarranted, I tell you. Who gave you the right to steal my breath away so utterly?"

Guildenstern swallowed at the sudden poetry of it all, feeling the gravity of such a flirtation. "D-don't ask me, I cannot control my appearance at will, sir."

"A relief, for I would have you no other way. What you can control though, is your company, and if I am not mistaken my dear Guildenstern, you are not accompanied at the moment."

"As a matter of fact," Guildenstern replied, voice faint and a slight sweat breaking out, "You are correct."

"Then," Rosencrantz offered his arm, smiling that dopey smile Guildenstern saw each and every day, "You could provide me no higher pleasure than a night of sharing your company. Would you accompany me upstairs, where we may waste the night away in the throes of each other's arms?"

Guildenstern pulled at his collar, wondering when to cut this off. "It would bring me... great pleasure... to do so."

"Splendid. I've wanted to do this since the day we met!"

"The day we--?" Guildenstern marvelled, and Rosencrantz suddenly stopped, snapping out of the romantic persona he so suddenly took on. His brown eyes widened, meeting Guildenstern's own, and both men stared at each other with slightly parted lips.

"Rosencrantz?" Guildenstern rasped, running a hand through his blonde hair.

"Y-yes?" Rosencrantz returned softly, licking his lips.

"I don't think we are in need of the company of ladies any longer."

Rosencrantz took a step closer, looking down at the other. "I don't think we are either."


End file.
